The Constant in a Good Friendship

When I used to live in garden grove I had a best friend named Min. The height of our friendship was during middle school, we would hang out as much as we could during the weekends,after school, in the summer.

I never really liked hanging out and so min had to forcibly convince me to go outside. Most times I would turn down the offer , seeing that missing a  pretty little liars episode was worth giving up a social life. But then there were times where I agreed and eventually we started hanging out a lot more often, and I have never regretted it once. We would go over to a close friend’s house, Alexis and the trio was united. We were really close to each other and sometimes we’d sneak out to our midnight swimming sessions in our apartment pool.

Min tied our friendship together so when she moved, we started to drift apart. I missed taking walks around the neighborhood or going to hmart, and buying a bunch of snacks just for the heck of it. All of It went away along with min, we would visit each other but that didn’t happen often.

It’s hard to find a friendship where you’re able to connect with someone easily and comfortably. Making new friendships is difficult when you’ve been friends with the same people for years. You forget how to play the game. How I met your mother is a show about a guy trying to find “the one”, the significant other that was meant to be, the couple that agreed with the universe. I think there’s a version for friends, and to me , it’s when two people are comfortable with each other right from the beginning. But there is another type of friendship where you have to work to make it flow.

I once got in a fight with a friend about what a true friend meant, and what you had to be to be best friends with someone. I argued that real friends are friends that are “meant to be”, she countered my argument saying that it was about the commitment two people made, and how hard they tried to make their friendship work and support each other. Coming back to it, I’d agree with it because it’s about who is suporting you and loves you.  If you’re the only one in the relationship trying to make things work, it’s better to break off the friendship. No matter how hard you try to make things click, it wont change.You can’t force people to like things they don’t.

The defining moment of when two people get closer together is they are truly honest with each other. Being honest to your friends can seem like a burden when it comes down to the gritty stuff. I don’t vent a lot and there are several factors as to why I don’t “open up” .

• I don’t want anyone to feel bad

• It’s hard to know whether someone wants to listen to you or not

• Trust can be questionable

• People get annoyed easily

But when I do vent it’s because…

• People can relate

• It feels good to let everything spill

• It clears up confusions

Honesty isn’t something that’s given to you immediately, it’s like working towards a promotion. It’s what separates a friend, from a best friend.  Which is also why I can still call Min my best friend to this day (along with other reasons).

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2 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on iamuniquejustlikeeverbodyelse and commented:
    Hello.

    It’s me. Talking to the person on the other side of the screen, on the other side of the time that has past from me posting this to you reading it now.

    There is this girl. She wrote this blog post and I feel that it does have some really good points, even though I don’t have too much experiences with friends.

    I didn’t have friends growing up.

    I was a tad autistic. But not normal autism. It’s hard to really explain but it wasn’t what you are thinking now.

    Long story short my social abilities did not start to develop until the later part of middle school.

    I didn’t have any friends until that time. And what you would normally learn about friendships, I didn’t learn until later.

    There was this girl. Let’s call her Prickina.

    We were close, or so I thought.

    Looking back now I see that it was not a friendship. She was mean; verbally and physically abusive. A horrible influence, and not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

    After a year, I noticed her growing distant. And a couple of months later I found that the source of the various rumors about me came from her.

    I didn’t know why she would do that, I was confused and alone again.

    I had yet to learn that a good relationship, was like a conversation. You must give and receive equally. It isn’t one sided. Lying is a sign to hightail outta there. And when the other is irritable with everything you say or do, it’s not working.

    I didn’t know these. So I stayed. And eventually, when she left, sat by myself wondering what I did wrong. But it was because I kept giving without asking for anything in return. She took advantage of me then left.

    After that it took a while for me to make friends again. I wasn’t so keen on a relationship with anyone. Especially when they could possibly do what she did.

    It didn’t help that at the time she left I was molested by a construction worker in my home. I didn’t have anyone to really vent or talk to about it.

    It was like me being friendly, giving, or possibly just saying good morning to people somehow signals to them that I am someone they can take advantage of.

    But I’m better now.

    The scorn of relationships has faded a bit. A mutual friend of Prickina felt wrong for what she did. And though I can’t completely trust her to this day, I can call her my best friend.

    I know it’s horrible of me, but I’m not sure if I can be as naive and trusting as I was. I think that I will always hold people at arms distance, even if they don’t know that.

    Nevertheless, friends are good, and now when a relationship turns sour I can either throw it away or try to revive it.

    Now I try to have as many friends as I can, but sometimes my past self comes out and I have a hard time opening up, like Panapo said in her post.

    This is why I want to share this with the 21 people who read this blog.

    I want people to know the warning signs of a bad relationship so they don’t have to go through what I have. And since I am still not capable and competent to give this advice, I think this post will enlighten people on what I can’t tell you all myself. I only wish I could share this knowledge with past me.

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on The World Behind The Sun and commented:
    THIS.THIS RIGHT HERE. I agree with you completely, I’ve been in the same situation no too long ago and I sort didn’t know what to do. I guess, I let it roll over. Friendship , no doubt, is probably the most complicated thing. Yet, its still what keeps ourselves glued in one piece. Sometimes, people just need space. But, don’t let that space destroy the friendship.

    Like

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